Not long ago I was involved in a conversation with another woman regarding her buying habits. During the conversation, she relayed to me her habit of continual shopping. She told me she was keeping secrets from her husband. She buys all manner of clothing, purses, accessories, jewelry, and then hides the purchases in her closet, behind other items so her husband won’t see. The items still have the tags on them. When she wears some of the clothing, and her husband mentions it being new, she tells him she has had the item for a long time, and he just forgot about it. Deception and lies—time will eventually discover the truth.
“… behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23).
During the conversation, I asked how long she believed she could carry on this charade, and not be caught in lies, and she told me just as long as she could, and he didn’t have to know. She justified the deception by saying she worked hard, and did not think she should be accountable for every thing she purchased. After I thought about her statement I wondered why she would be deceptive to her husband. She apparently had no remorse over the purchases, and felt convinced she was justified.
This is called financial infidelity, and is more common than you think. Women are twice as likely to hide purchases as men, though one man in the survey had hidden a car from his wife. Some couples have secret bank accounts they do not disclose to their spouses. For instance, Mary Winkler, murdered her husband Matthew after a dispute about money. In her own words, “I guess that’s when my ugly came out.” It surprised me to know how prevalent the problem is in America, and may well explain the number of divorces.
Nobody should behave like this, much less a Christian. A marriage must be based on a foundation of love and trust in each other, with God at the center of the marriage. When a woman becomes involved in deceiving her husband or a vice versa, there is a much deeper problem within the marriage than they imagined.
I have not seen the woman in awhile, but have often wondered how she is faring with such a secretive life. I am unsure about the psychology behind the continual buying, but it appears to me people who do this, are trying to satisfy something missing in the soul. Regardless, there is no excuse for lying and deceiving a spouse, even if there is some issue within the psychological self.
“And He said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth” (Luke 12:15).
I once heard “a woman could shovel more out the back door, than a man could bring in at the front door.” The statement is very true. Be it a husband or wife, one must be truthful with their spouse and discuss financial matters openly. Having a budget for purchases is as vital as staying out of stores where the temptation to spend is overwhelming.
Hiding accounts, clothing and a secret life is most certain to undermine marriages and create a veil of distrust. It may sound simple, but if you are involved in this sort of deceptive behavior. Stop it! No excuses are acceptable. And while you’re at it, be honest with your spouse. Begin again with a life together based upon God’s Word, truth, honesty, respect, and love. Be like Job, make a covenant with God to do what is right. Job said, “My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit” (Job 27:4). King David wrote, “Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place? 4 He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully” (Psa. 24:3-4).
“It is neither right nor bright to lie. Its only hope of success is in keeping itself unknown. It can’t stand investigation. And dealing in a trade that can’t endure the light of day has a dark future.
A lie is a spectacle of hypocrisy deceitfully masquerading in the robes of integrity. Like a snake in the grass, it strikes. It is an infamous effort to cash in falsehoods, zigzags, and broken promises. It makes human relationships a travesty and man’s word a dagger in the mouth.” ~ Brownlow